


Mischievous Pet

by The_Sunflower_Seed



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Allergies, Crosshairs is not happy, Lots of petty revenge, Rated for swearing, Spike the Dinobot is sneaky, sorry no smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 21:58:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10750614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sunflower_Seed/pseuds/The_Sunflower_Seed
Summary: Crosshairs brings his friend Spike over to hide with you guys. A sudden spike in allergies causes big problems.





	Mischievous Pet

**Author's Note:**

> There’s this cute doodle crossbust did a while ago and I decided to write a fic on it along with merging it with a prompt by evacmun. Check them out on Tumblr and enjoy!

It was the middle of spring, the crickets were hissing at how hot it was outside, the sun beating down relentlessly as you struggled in the desert heat to hang your wet laundry on some clothesline. You didn’t want to increase your already high electricity bill (which reminded you, you need to talk some sense into Crosshairs since his bad habit of leaving the lights and TV on were costing you a fortune!) You sorted through your clothes, four lines for four different items. The first line was for your shirts, the second line for pants and skirts, the third line was for miscellaneous items, and the fourth line you were currently working on was for sheets and bedding.

Your back was facing the junkyard, the high fence with cars stacked up on each other didn’t provide any relieving shade. It was included in the property when you were forced out of your old home courtesy of the CIA. They had managed to track something to your property and forced you out only after you gathered a few items. You didn’t know until later after you went into the garage to grab something that what they were searching for was the Autobot named Crosshairs snoozing in your garage.

That wasn’t what you were expecting. Unfortunately, Crosshairs had heard you walk in and pointed his weapon at you. You two never got along until after you left, searching for a new place to live. The asshole followed you to where you currently lived. He managed to convince you it was safe since the CIA wouldn’t buy a dump of a home.

Homeless, you bought the run-down property and fixed it up to a semi-suitable living condition. You just didn’t expect Crosshairs to turn into a human and become your roommate. You rolled your eyes at the memory of him constantly leaving messes behind, muttering insults about humans, and making your electricity bills go high.

Thus, your laundry dilemma a year later. As you were finishing up the sheets, large ground shaking footsteps rocked your world. You don’t remember Crosshairs making the ground shake enough for you to stumble into your sheets.

“Cross?” You turned to confront him only to come face-to-face with a large metallic version of a reptilian head, that was twenty times bigger than you! You felt the color drain from your face and your world went blurry.

The next thing you remember, you were waking up in a metallic hand, feeling as though a century passed since you were last awake.

“You up now?” Yup it was your asshole paratrooper, Crosshairs. You sat up and stared at him, mildly confused. Your heart stopped at the sight of the thing that scared you in the first place. Before you could react, Crosshairs pointed his head over to the beast, “That’s my Dinobot, Spike.”

“Ok?” Why did he bring a Dinobot here? You just hoped it was for show-and-tell and not-

“He’s going to be hiding here.”

“No!” You exclaimed, crossing your arms in an x-shape. Cross looked taken a back at you but his eyes narrowed dangerously. He lowered you down to the ground quickly, you scrambled out of his grasp, and made it to the safety of your drying sheets. You looked back at the Autobot and he was pissy, “You hid me, why can’t I hide Spike here?”

“Because he’s bigger than the house! You change into a human to hide, Spike takes after a Spinosaurus and those things are massive whether shrunken or not. Plus, with a creature that big, he’s going to destroy the house in a single blow!” A large roar filled the air, and you looked behind Crosshairs form in time to see Spike knockdown a wall of cars off the chain link fence facing your house.

You facepalmed at the mess and hoped it wasn’t loud enough for anyone in a ten-mile radius to hear. That last thing you needed was to try to explain to the cops how noisy you were and get ticketed for disturbing the peace.

Spike didn’t pay any mind to you two as he walked into the main gate and disappeared. You shook your head knowing it was already a challenge having the Dinobot here for introductions but staying with you? It’s out of the question!

“He’s going to be hiding in the junkyard. No need to worry about anything. You’ll see.” You tried to argue back but Crosshairs walked through the main gate and locked it behind him before disappearing as well. You tried to spit something out only to make guttural noises before throwing your arms in the air and grunting with dismay.

Great! Another person crashing on your property and they were making a bigger mess than the asshole currently living with you! Bitterly, you gathered your empty laundry baskets and headed indoors, slamming the door harder than you should. You didn’t want to say you were angry but you weren’t happy another Cybertronian living on the property, especially one as big as Spike.

You left the laundry baskets by the door, waiting till at least an hour before sundown so you weren’t folding clothes in the dark. Curiosity got the better of you and you peeked out the window to see Spike’s spiky back wiggle a bit before disappearing again. You shook your head and walked away from the window, deciding to go to your room and sulk.

Childish? Yes, and you needed to relax for a bit. You walked up the stairs, past Crosshairs room before arriving at your room. It was painted your favorite color, relaxing your stressed nerves a bit. With a soft sigh, you grabbed a book off your dresser and flopped onto your bed, prompting to read its content. Nearly an hour had passed when there was a knock on your door.

“Door’s open.” The door cracked open to Crosshair’s in his holoform mode. His trench coat normally an emerald green was dimmed down by the red dust of the desert. You tried not to look at him, you were still mad at him for bringing Spike here and hiding him in the junkyard. Boots thumped against the hardwood ending when they were at the head of your bed. The bed dipped as he sat on the edge, his hand grabbing your book before yanking it from your hands and tossing it to the other side of the room.

“Hey!”

“We need to talk.” You looked at him and finally looked over to the window where the junkyard was.

“What made you think we can hide Spike here?” You started softly, trying not to set Crosshairs off on a rant. It was hard to try and talk some sense into him when he was mad or frustrated.

“He’s my friend. He helped save the world by my side and he needs a place to hide. I thought since you didn’t mind me staying, you’d harbor someone I know and trust.”

“Cross, Spike is bigger than you in Cybertronian mode and it’s hard enough hiding you when you’re in your original form.” There have been close calls regarding Crosshairs and his original form in the junkyard. Lots of drive-by and cops visiting the premises to go on tips about “a gigantic robot”. You proved them wrong with Cross’s holoform by your side and showing them the junkyard with rusty abandoned cars totally stripped of vital parts and components.

Crosshairs scooted in closer, wrapping you in his arms. To anyone, Cross was showing affection but to you, whenever he wanted something, the easiest way of convincing you to be on board with him was by giving you physical affection. He nuzzled your neck, his beard scratching your soft skin. You felt his lips change into a smile as he lazily kissed your neck, humming, “Come on, there’s a shelter on the property big enough to house Spike. We found it and repaired it so he isn’t spotted.” He moved up to your lips, ready to plant one on your lips, when you tried to get one from him, Cross pulled back with a teasing smirk.

“Doesn’t work like that love.” You tried to push out of the embrace but Cross was stronger than you. You weren’t going anywhere. He leaned in, his forehead pressing against yours and stared into your eyes, searching for something, “Let Spike stay and he’ll be only allowed in the junkyard. Not crashing around your house made of sticks.”

You snorted at the house comment, your eyes were casted downwards. You didn’t want to be rude and kick an Autobot out for trying to hide. Not to mention it wasn’t fair you hid one Autobot and didn’t hide the other one. You rolled your eyes and stared back at Cross, “Fine he can stay but he’s got to stay out of sight, not destroy anything, and not make a lot of noise.” Cross’s lips smothered yours with such force you were taken aback. He never kissed like this but it was nice and you couldn’t help returning the intense passion. Although it was fun while it lasted. He pulled back and dashed out of your room as quickly as he could. For a lazy guy, he could be fast when he wanted to.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since Spike made his home in the junkyard, continually pacing back and forth within the area. No cops have been called which was good and he was somewhat quiet, occasionally tipping something over but he didn’t yell nor Godzilla stomp his way to the house. Crosshairs mainly kept an eye on him, changing to his original size and heading into the junkyard. The junkyard was Crosshair’s domain and you never trespassed unless Crosshairs came and physically brought you into the area.

Today, you were out by the junkyard but you didn’t go in. Spike was intimidating and you’ll admit you had nightmares about Spike killing you whether by eating you or stomping on you. Along with the fact Spike growls every time you tried to gain Crosshairs attention, it has stopped you from going into the junkyard to find Crosshairs.

You needed to talk to Crosshairs about the mess he left in the laundry room, leaving the TV on all night, and the lights were on for God knows how long in the basement. It was costing you a fortune to keep the house. You were paranoid about the electricity being cut off and you wanted to set the record straight for Crosshairs. The problem was he’s in the junkyard with Spike acting as a vicious guard dog thinking you were an enemy. Here you sat in the sand, by the main gate, hoping to catch Crosshairs on his way out instead of you climbing the gate. The sun beat down and you wished you had a parasol to stave the sun off with but beggars can’t be choosers. Large footsteps along with a rumbling growl tipped you off about Spike roaming around the junkyard again. Crosshairs had built higher walls around the junkyard so Spike couldn’t be seen which was good since it’d be hard to explain to the cops about a giant ass dinosaur made of metal roaming on your property.

Quietly, you hugged your knees, refusing to lay against the hot metal fence. It’d burn you and that’s the last thing you needed to worry about.

“ACHOO!” You heard a humongous crash emanating from inside the junkyard. You climbed the fence, Dinobot be damned! You jumped the fence and ran to the source of the sneeze, navigating your way through the mountains of cars. In the middle of the maze was Crosshairs, buried under a mountain of cars. He didn’t spot you but Spike spotted you and walked behind Crosshairs, staring at you.

“Whatchya lookin at?” Crosshairs traced Spike’s line of sight to where you were standing. He stared at you for a good minute before rubbing his face plates.

“Did ya need somethin’?”

You froze for a minute before shaking your head and turning back the way you came. You were not going near him when Spike was around! Not to mention it was one sneeze not something to be concerned about.

“Luv! Get back ‘ere!” His voice sounded congested; your eyebrows were knitted in confusion. Usually Cross was kicking you out of the junkyard, so why did he want you back by him? You turned on your heel once more and walked slowly back to where Crosshairs was. He wasn’t buried anymore and his face looked okay but was he sniffling?

He changed into his holoform and immediately you saw the problem: Crosshairs had allergies. His nose was runny, he was congested, and his eyes were watery.

“What’s happening to me?”

“Allergies.”

“What?”

“You’re sensitive to something in the air and your immune system is not enjoying it.” You explained further, letting Crosshairs stroll up to you. You looked him over, trying to see if anything was on him that would trigger his allergies. There was no wind so he couldn’t have been allergic to the dust, he looked tidy so no allergenic particles sticking to his clothes, and you couldn’t find anything else that’d start up the allergic reaction.

A short sneeze drew your attention to Crosshairs as his face was buried into his arm, “This fuggin’ sugs!” You tilted your head towards the direction of the gate, “Come on, let’s get you some Zyrtec.” Crosshairs briskly walked past you, as though determined to fight off the allergy as quickly as he could. You heard a weird noise from behind you, and ignored Spike as you went to accompany Crosshairs. 

* * *

 

For two weeks, it had become a habit for Crosshairs to be fine in the morning but by the time noon rolled around, Crosshairs was nothing more but a mess of snot and watery eyes. You would’ve pitied the guy, would’ve if it wasn’t for the fight you two had concerning the electric bill. That was little more than a week ago and every morning, Cross would come inside your house and take allergy medication before going out to the junkyard to hang out with Spike.

You didn’t mind, those two numbskulls can hang out with one another while you had privacy for the first time in weeks. You straightened up the house and did other things you wouldn’t do around Crosshairs. Except for today that is. It all started around ten in the morning, you were wide awake by then, locked in your room when the earth rattled harshly. With a short glance to the window, your skin turned pale as Crosshairs lead Spike over to the house. You threw your window open and climbed out onto the roof where Crosshairs could see you, “What the hell Cross?!”

“I’m washin’ Spike is all. Stop bein’ so touchy!” He was congested again, a low snort for his runny nose. Your eyes drifted to Spike, the Dinobot staring at you not as hostile as the last time you guys met. A short sigh and you sat on the roof, content to watch Crosshairs finally take responsibility for once. Well until he snatched you off the roof and plopped you down by the hose.

“You’re small enough to turn it on and navigate the hose. It’s too small for me.”

“You can simply turn into your human form and do it.”

“Just turn it on.”

With a roll of your eyes, you turned on the hose and sprayed it at Spike’s foot. He looked towards the water spray and lifted a foot up, you set the hose back to high pressure, watching as the dirt was sliced out of the metal crevices. What sounded like a content purr was your reward for helping clean him. You moved the water spray up his leg and that’s when Spike dodged the water spray.

“It looks like Spike doesn’t like baths?” You were a tad bit confused by the Dinobot’s actions since he enjoyed his feet being washed but when you moved the spray upwards, the Dinobot scurried backwards as though a kid in trouble. Crosshairs sniffed again, this time taking the hose from between your hands, “Stan’ back. Spike likes me more than you.”

“Well no shit Sherlock!” You yelled back up and were about to go stomp into the house to get some things done when a huge tail slammed down in front of you. You fell straight onto your ass and damn! Did that hurt! You rubbed your ass as you wearily got to your feet, and turned to face the culprit. Spike, turned around so his tail was safely away from the house and his snout was mere inches away.

“Pet him.” Crosshairs said idly as he sprayed the water onto Spike’s back. You looked at the paratrooper as though he said you were going on a suicide mission in deep space. He caught your glance and hissed, “Spike only does that when he wants to be petted. Now pet!”

You were hesitant about doing it since you and Spike didn’t have a good relationship. Spike jutted his head a little bit forward in a “go ahead” motion. Your hand traced over the smooth metal and were surprised at what felt like dust on his snout. When you pulled your hand away and examined it, the dust was a light yellow like pollen. Hey wait-

Meeting Spike’s blue eyes, you noticed he gave you a subtle wink. Spike was a person who had a dinosaur mode instead of a vehicle so that wasn’t what surprised you. It’s what Spike was going to show you. Crosshairs had moved onto the other side of Spike, the only way you could tell was the sound of the mechs pede steps and the sound of water splashing against Spike’s side. Dipping his head, Spike poked his snout into his leg joint where you had tried to wash the offender originally after his feet were pressure washed thanks to you. When he pulled it out, you had to stifle your laughter. It explained why Crosshairs allergies were constantly raging: Spike’s snout was coated in a heavy set of pollen and he shook hard, pollen dissipating in the air quickly.

“AGH! Spike!” Looks like Crosshairs got wet by the sounds of his shouting. A couple sniffles and finally, “Atch…IE… **ATCHOO!** ” A couple of sniffles before Crosshairs went into a sneezing fit, the water arching straight above the Dinobot, showing how hard the sneezes were getting. You couldn’t help but laugh as Cross continued on with his fit of sneezes and Spike made the same noise as he did when you discovered Crosshairs had allergies in the junkyard.

‘Must be how Spike laughs.’ You thought in amusement as finally Crosshairs managed to reel himself in, coming over towards Spike’s head. His face was scrunched in anger but it wasn’t effective when his optics were watery.

“This isn’t funny!” He sneered with congestion imminent in his voice, moving onto Spike’s helm. The Dinobot obediently raised his head to Cross’s level, water pouring in every direction. Unfortunately, his snout was directed at you, soaking you to the bone. You jumped back, “Watch it!”

“Payback for laughin’ at me.”

You rolled your eyes at Crosshairs and you were about to leave when Crosshairs moved back over to Spike’s side. The Dinobot gave you another subtle wink and did what he did previously: he dipped his snout back into his leg where he expertly hid and maintained the pollen. You watched as that sneaky Dinobot poked his snout under Cross’s trench and slid it into one of his pockets.

“Whoa there!” Crosshairs batted at Spike’s snout, jumping away from the intrusion. The pollen on Spike’s snout was gone, and the Dinobot made a satisfied purring noise. He turned back to you and you pet him on the snout, in reserved amusement.

“Good boy!” Being a little more daring, you landed a peck on his snout. Another low rumbling purr of content. Crosshairs came back around, throwing the hose back onto the lawn.

“I’m done.” You turned off the water and Spike shook the excess water off his body, mainly getting Crosshairs wet.

“Spike! Stop it! I thought you were on my side!” Crosshairs complained as he held his arms out to try and protect himself from being completely soaked. Your snickers drew Cross’s attention back to you. He crossed his arms with annoyance.

“You said Spike was bein a good boy. What did he do?”

“Oh nothing.” You shrugged, trying to play as though you had no clue on what was going on. Crosshairs didn’t buy it. He crouched down swiped for you, but thanks to countless times Cross has done that to you, you swiftly dodged the move and immediately ran into the house and locked the front door. No way you were going to tell him what Spike did! It was your own way of revenge for him being a jerk for the past few weeks! You set to work inside the house despite the yells coming from outside.

* * *

About an hour after giving Spike a bath, you heard a noise upstairs. It wasn’t particularly loud as you had to strain your ear to hear but it sounded something along the lines of a snort. You climbed the stairs and there was a loud snore coming from your bedroom. Oh shoot! Your bedroom window was left open from earlier this morning!

You quietly opened the door and immediately you groaned with dismay. Crosshairs was currently in your bed sleeping. His coat was on the floor along with combat boots caked with red mud and that wasn’t the worse thing. There was snot all over your pillow and he was drooling. Ugh! This petty revenge isn’t getting you anywhere! If anything, Crosshairs somehow manages to make revenge even pettier than necessary!

A low whirr and you walked over to your window, spotting Spike sunbathing in the hot sun. An evil smile crept onto your face. Time to wake him up!

“Psst! Spike!” You loudly whispered, trying not to have your plans spoiled. Spike raised is head towards your window. Good!

“Do me a favor and make a loud noise!”

As soon as you said that, Spike unhinged his jaw and roared out a yawn. It was loud enough to rattle your house’s foundation but your plan didn’t go as expected. You wanted to scare Crosshairs awake but instead Crosshairs raised his head with confusion. Leaning against the window sill you sarcastically remarked, “Geez Snuffleupagus, did you have to crash in my bed?”

The paratrooper turned to you, his eyes and nose were red, and he wiped the drool off his face with the back of his hand.

“Tried to find medicine. Instead I got a migraine and your bed is comfy.” You’ll give him points for trying to be charming. It wasn’t effective with a stuffy nose and his allergies in general. You turned back out of the room, heading to grab some more allergy medication.

“Where ya goin’?”

“Where else?”

Silence was your response as you made it to the end of the hall and opened the bathroom door. Opening the medicine cabinet over the sink, you spied the Zyrtec box. You picked it up and it was surprisingly light. You opened the end of the box and found it empty. Uh-oh!

Just as you were about to head back, “What the hell kind of shit is this?! SPIKE!!” Crosshairs yelled in dismay. You hurriedly left the bathroom and entered your bedroom in time to see holoform Crosshairs transform back into his Cybertronian form and start chasing Spike back over to the junkyard, waving his fists angrily while Spike made the laughing noise earlier in the morning.

Looks like Crosshairs figured out what Spike had done. You set to changing your sheets, not too keen on sleeping in Crosshair’s drool and snot. You changed your pillowcase and your bed sheets, just in case Cross might’ve gotten snot anywhere else you couldn’t see.

Later, Crosshairs had climbed through your bedroom window, his holoform still looking rather terrible. He held out his trench coat to you, “Fuckin’ Spike put somethin’ on my coat!” Before you could argue about not being his maid, he was pointing out the pollen smeared on the underside area. You smirked at how it took forever for Crosshairs to notice Spike was the one causing his allergies.

“You were in on it?!” Cross’s voice changed from irritation to pissed off. His eyes narrowed dangerously at you and you took the coat away from him, looking at the pollen. A little bit of guilt was clawing at you but hey, you wanted a little bit of revenge for the shit Crosshairs was putting you through. Looking back at Cross, you gave a weak smile, “At least we figured out what’s causing your allergies.”

“What?” Oh, shoot! Cross’s eyebrows were knitted in concentration before he snapped his head up, “Ya mean this shit on my coat is the thing makin’ me sneeze?”

“Yes.” You offered weakly. Instead of getting tackled onto the bed like Crosshairs usually does when he’s angry, he slapped a hand onto his face.

“Got tah be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!”

“Nope sorry.”

“Can I at least get some medicine?”

“You used the last of it.”

“Fuuuuuuuuuck…” He drew out, sniffing a bit as he took his hand off his face. You threw his coat into your laundry basket and you rested a hand on the small of his back, directing him out of your room, “Go take a hot shower, it’ll clear up your nose at least.” Your reward was a grunt and he stormed over to the bathroom. He slammed the door shut, rattling the picture frames on your wall. Shortly, you heard the noise of the shower running along with a loud sneeze.

You weren’t going to tell him Spike had plenty more tricks up his sleeve. After all, Spike liked you better than Crosshairs.


End file.
